dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
