I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
