Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
