I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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