You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
