i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
