I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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