Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
