So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
