listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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