Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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