You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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