You just made me feel so damn special
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
