Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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