Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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