Swine flu. Run for my life!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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