There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
