someone threw a dead crab at me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
