No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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