If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
