you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
