Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
