I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
