goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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