sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you still have your period?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't deserve a penis
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
