; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk is a universal language darling
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
