I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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