I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
