Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This baby is an asshole
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
