Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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