I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
