If that was your dad, he is hot
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
