Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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