apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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