I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
