Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
