i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
