Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
