She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
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