Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
