Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
