Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
