I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
