You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
