bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
