I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
