i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
