This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
