are you still at the devil's house?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
