What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
