you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
