I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
