$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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