I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
