Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
