the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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