i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
