Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
