Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
