Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
