Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
