wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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