I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize