your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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