the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
