I'm passing your future prison.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
