when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I faked an abortion last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize