if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
